08-26-2013, 06:28 AM
Hi,
First thing to consider: Making propositional statements, whether they are true or not, carry nearly no emotive power. For poetry to be effective it can't make vague, flat statements like this.
Example:
Craving drugs as if they need food to satisfy an appetite.
This simile stops short of actually doing anything. However if you took this line and developed it into the central conceit of the poem you could present us with a scene of someone eating at a banquet table, the food delectable, but ultimately those eating getting thinner and weaker. You could tie drugs into the title and not mention them in the poem.
Obviously, I'm not saying this is what you must do to salvage the concept. It's more an approach you might consider to take this in a new direction.
Just some thoughts, good luck with it.
Best,
Todd
First thing to consider: Making propositional statements, whether they are true or not, carry nearly no emotive power. For poetry to be effective it can't make vague, flat statements like this.
Example:
Craving drugs as if they need food to satisfy an appetite.
This simile stops short of actually doing anything. However if you took this line and developed it into the central conceit of the poem you could present us with a scene of someone eating at a banquet table, the food delectable, but ultimately those eating getting thinner and weaker. You could tie drugs into the title and not mention them in the poem.
Obviously, I'm not saying this is what you must do to salvage the concept. It's more an approach you might consider to take this in a new direction.
Just some thoughts, good luck with it.
Best,
Todd
(08-26-2013, 02:53 AM)Survivor Wrote: Drugs of pleasure are an escape from earth.
Living in a place known as imaginary paradise.
Once addicts come back to the world and reality,
The toleration of life is torturous.
Craving drugs as if they need food to satisfy an appetite.
Betrayal is being committed to support the habit of vileness.
Desperation leads to a life of crime for artificial gratification.
Recovery only occurs when the spirit is broken,
Willing to travel the rough journey to genuine happiness.
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson