And Then I Look Away (edit 1)

[Truerenigma]

And Then I Look Away

I have become caught in traffic.
like leanne, I'm not sure if I like the construct or not, I keep hearing jason ross singing "I have become"...
that sense you pick up maybe exactly what the poem wants

that would be ironic, because it's quite cumbersome.

It's seven-thirty and I know
a half-hour later it would not be
so much so. But I keep staring,
forcing the car between the lines,
because life demands the paycheck
I would replace life. I know, many would say, "but it's soo true!", but this is a great opportunity to give us a peek into the narrators life, and let us know he's not just another asshole stuck in traffic: Rent, the landlord/landlady, the car-note (oh, the irony! You need the car to pay for the car!), a woman demands my paycheck. . .
life might just be a placeholder. The irony of the car becomes even more so when you consider the job might only be paying $8.50/hr

sounds to me like it's not worth the gas

and the paycheck demands the hour
you don't need the second "pay" before check.
A comment above trimmed check, it could either way, but honestly, it might be a good opportunity to riff slightly off a paycheck anyways, like 'gross pay'

and the hour demands that I sit,
sounds much better without "that".
poem is intentionally trying to force the sitting Try saying with the 'that' and without the that and then consider the line.

I did try it both ways, hence the comment.

a face trapped behind the windshield,
caught among all these wheels and all
these shields. And sometimes I catch a set
of eyes sealed in their own lined world.
Sometimes they also catch mine.

I like the idea, I think you're on to something here.

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Btw, i like half hour, we always say it, but we never get to read it.

"half a hour" and "a half-hour"...same literal meaning, but I do think the connotation is slightly different. It's actually very natural for me to say "a half-hour", but I do say both phrases. I am interested in hearing readers' thoughts on this.

Thanks for the comments.

It's half an hour. Not half a hour. I hope.