Mentor: Generic love poem

[billy]

hi ray it's me again,
here the first two stanzas firstly i'd suggest a title change to mean the amazon forest. maybe

Rainforest Greetings which means you don't need to use forest in the first line.
we presume the lasses are female warriors. so think of an image to use instead of [filled with mysterious lasses.]
while i meet hunger is an image, can it be made stronger, example;

I shake hands with hunger;
my arse eats the undergrowth
like a wood crusher eats logs.

the wait i see something part doesn't lack any punch really.
and the dirty glasses line needs to be connected to something more than wait i see something.

so far we now have something like;

Lost in the Amazon:
I shake hands with hunger;
my arse eats the undergrowth
like a wood crusher eats logs.
(image of mysterious lasses)

the above is an idea for you to work on, go through the same process with the 2nd and subsequent stanza and see where it takes us :J:


Amazon, greetings
Running in the Amazon forest,
filled with mysterious lasses.
I meet hunger with an awful ache.
Wait, I see something,
damn dirty glasses.

Ten feet away standing
with a pigs leg in hand,
a fare brown haired warrior.
She looks at me,
lowers she shoulder
than smiles.