mid-reflection

[Apophrades]

There's something here that needs to be dug out. You've used several images/metaphors to describe one thing. Try using only one image so that it's coherent. You can describe different aspects of that one image. There are a few idioms that could go, like: "gut reaction" — it's not a very strong opening either. Some images are verbosely described, e.g., lines 2+3 could be: "fingers snapping across a face," try active voice, cut-cut, the "instant" is implied. Also, your ending just didn't seem conclusory, it was just another vague image, try tying it up at the end.

Sorry I couldn't do a line by line because midway through writing this I found out I have to be somewhere, so I may as well just finish it.

This could be good after a revision.

A beginning foretold in a gut reaction,
as instant as the snap of fingers
clicked across a face.
The nuance said it all,
a between the lines reading of a love letter,
a castle sillouetted cloud in the sky.
It grew like a plant living beside a waterfall,
clinging and lush.
There's no heartshaped tin
filled with a ticket stub history,
just memory shaped tendrils
that curl through my mind.