Actions without choice

[cidermaid]

Hi TOMH,
much better from the rewrite. (I got very confused in the first one)

Re-write Edit 1
Stackable poxy plastic chairs Can I just ask did you mean epoxy as in a thermoset plastic material, or were you going for the puny / pathetic nature of the chairs?
pretend to be disco seats,
you even combed your hair,
a glitter balls on your feet. ? need to look at this line it made me stumble over a glitter ball / many glitter balls...and is this some sort of circus act of standing on disco glitter balls...or is it just the shoes are so shiny that the reflection of the glitter balls is seen...or even some referance to got your dance shoes on??? my mind went all over the place.

Your suite is tailor made
for the trisomy chromosome, This stanza really clears the mist of any last confusion in the text and linked into the title light is dawning.
twenty one, never been laid
or gone out on your own.

You bit me as you kissed me Had a bit of a pop up image of one of those teen vampire films moments here.
because we need to eat.
With a coke can on your knee
rocking just behind the beat. I really like this image. Slightly maladroit and not really "with it"

Teased about his girl friend
and she's up for it alright,
gyrating with his best friend,
it's all kicking off tonight. The last stanza is fine but I am wondering if this is because i have read the original and so I'm feeding off the info I have of your thought process here.


Original
I was asked to help the disco,
crisps and drinks to pass,
strong arms to hold
an adult infants rage.

You clapped alone all night,
holding a coke can between
salt and vinegar knees,
rocking just behind the beat.

The large tongue smile broke,
your applause turned frenzied,
she was dancing with Tom,
strong arms helped the disco.

Think this is shaping v nicely. AJ.

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Oh - oops sorry I've done it again this is misc section.