08-22-2013, 02:33 PM
(08-22-2013, 07:18 AM)trueenigma Wrote:If you are asking me...yup.(08-22-2013, 06:58 AM)tectak Wrote:Is that your final answer?(08-22-2013, 05:15 AM)ChristopherSea Wrote: Suffocant is an adjective, even in French Tom. Asphyxiant is a noun, but refers to gases (CO2, CO, N2, etc.) that starve oxygen from animal species. In your poem you are referring to 'water starvation,' if I am reading it correctly. Soil too dry to germinate seeds is desiccated. Agents that dry water from something are desiccants (noun) and could substitute:No. Water excess. A flood. Drowns the seed by excluding oxygen. Seed then rots.
He kicks beneath the paling crust
to where the sun has failed the earth
and flocculation turned the juice
into a desiccant for seed,
that quenched the animating fuse.
It might work for you./Chris
Suffocation.
Hmmm.
Best,
Tom
(08-22-2013, 04:37 AM)cidermaid Wrote: I'm perhaps not the best person to ask such questions, but yes (I think we do use it as a noun) because we might say something like "The suffocant" (meaning the nitrogen) has not held"....YES! Thanks cider. As I HOPED/thought.
but then again i think we might also use it as a verb because we say "Put a blanket of nitrogen over the cider" meaning we want the action of a suffocant.
I am of the persuasion that it is correct to say that this is a noun. I found this website with the use of suffocant to name specific products that have this action (as opposed to asphixiation) in...wait for it headlice. Lovely!
http://www.health.state.mn.us/divs/idepc...tment.html
It lists a suffocant as a number of specific liquid based products and then goes on to list how such should be applied. As follows:-
The alternative treatments listed below are referred to as suffocants. When applied, the treatment may suffocate and/or create a habitat unfavorable to the head lice.
petroleum jelly (Vaseline®)
mayonnaise
oil (e.g., vegetable, olive, or mineral)
General Instructions for Suffocant Treatment*
Still not sure i have clarified or been of much help. I can see what your problem is here in calling this one.
All the best AJ.
It stays.
Best,
tectak.
(08-22-2013, 09:06 AM)btrudo Wrote: Edit 2.00 milo.christophersea[/quote]
He kicks beneath the paling crust
to where the sun has failed the earth
and flocculation turned the juice
into a suffocant for seed
perhaps one of the few comma use/non-use that I've learned in the past decade, restrictive "that" uses no comma
that quenched the animating fuse.
The flood has gone; to heal the land
he scarifies the earth again
sounds fine, but I see no evidence of "again" here
and turns the rotting germ to light.
Time walks beside the new-sown grain
and promises each dormant husk
another chance...provided there is rain.
not so thrilled seeing the ... and then the last line
This sounds good overall, though the struggle of too much rain vs. not enough rain doesn't particularly grab me here. With that mind, the shortness of the piece might be undercutting its impact.
original
He kicks beneath the paling crust
to where the sun has failed the earth
and flocculation turned the juice
into a suffocant for seed,
and quenched the fuse of life.
The flood has gone; upon bare land
he scarifies the earth again
and turns the rotting germ to light.
Time walks beside the new sown grain
and promises each dormant husk
another chance.
Provided there is rain.
Tectak
Spring 2013
Thanks bt, for your insights. I have wrapped this one but would like to respond to your "overall" observations. It is about a farmer. There is always too much rain or not enough rain.

The "again" is self sufficient...it means again, if you get my point. You are absolutely correct on that comma. I had already removed it on my copy.I would like to say it was a typo...but it was an error
Credited. btw.Do you write poetry?Best and thanks,
tectak

