Actions without choice

[Keith]

I was asked to help the disco,
crisps and drinks to pass,
strong arms to hold
an adult infants rage. I don't understand this line. Is the grammar correct with infants?

You clapped alone all night,
holding a coke can between
salt and vinegar knees,
rocking just behind the beat.

The large tongue smile broke,
your applause turned frenzied, maybe you don't need "turned" here?
she was dancing with Tom,
strong arms helped the disco.

I like the continuity of the theme. It's nice, carnivalic. Yes I just made that word up.

I like made up words especially when I understand what they mean. this needs needs a great deal of work I will opt for a re-write rather than answer your question. thanks TOMH

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I was asked to help the disco,
crisps and drinks to pass,
strong arms to hold
an adult infants rage. having a hard time knowing the gender of the narrator

You clapped alone all night,
holding a coke can between
salt and vinegar knees,
rocking just behind the beat. classic

The large tongue smile broke,
your applause turned frenzied,
she was dancing with Tom, the the narrator a "she"
strong arms helped the disco.

liked the poem, a short and sweet poem about young disco ruckus

Hi Bunx the narrator is me (Male) but this needs a huge overhaul so I will go for a major edit thanks for your comments. TOMH