Dying Breed

[Todd]

Hi Evan,

My general thought is that your last two strophes contain the seed of the poem. This feels to me like you wrote to get to that part, and that is the part that needs to be explored. Everything up to that point felt like trying to get there and not the poem itself, if that makes sense.

Now if I were considering a rewrite, I would look at these lines:

But who comes back home,
isn't who left in the first place. --Your most interesting idea which is what you probably should focus on more. This idea is the heart of the poem and it needs more room to develop

You raised me,
more than my own blood
and you've always been there
to drive your fist into my face.
I wouldn't
have it any other way.

It's truly
a dying breed
that clasps hands
in friendship.
After
smashing each other bloody.--These last two strophes provide the context that makes the observation earlier resonate.

You have some interesting ideas floating around here. The narrator fears that what was important now may be shifted by the journey away. Yet they carry something of their past with them. I would encourage you to focus more on that common tension and work to develop it more.

Just initial thoughts,

Todd

If you don't mind, I'd like some help..

-
Dying Breed

It'll be the days at Krav
it'll be you reckless fucks
that I'll miss the most.
But god damn,
we'll end it with a bang.
What I'm doing now,
is something I've wanted
for a long time.

It'll take me far,
far from home.
And it'll push me
to the fucking limit.
But who comes back home,
isn't who left in the first place.

You raised me,
more than my own blood
and you've always been there
to drive your fist into my face.
I wouldn't
have it any other way.

It's truly
a dying breed
that clasps hands
in friendship.
After
smashing each other bloody.