Hand Me Down to die

[ChristopherSea]

final version

In Mom’s frayed wool pants,
I sweltered this summer.
The red flannel shirt
from Dad was no better.

I’m dead-head to head
with bronzing sunflowers,
wearing my Grandpa’s
tattered Fedora.

With Harvest over,
starved hoarfrost nips harder.
Stiff neck's scarcely cloaked
by Sissy’s torn muffler.

Pitied daylilies
when the bees droned their ears
recalling abuse
through this lingering year:

Rabble of magpies
pinched my fancy buttons.
Rowdy masked bandits
struck in veil of darkness.

Relentless sparrows,
cruelly tore away threads,
not seeking consent
before lining their nests.

Deer gnawed needlessly
at my hat made of hemp.
Voles carted away
the dry husks of my flesh.

All faith in me lost,
with my chores forsaken,
yet everyone knew
that crows would not frighten.


le/bil/tru/tec final version 3.1 Thank you!

------------------------------

Hand Me Down to die

original

In Mom’s frayed wool pants,
I sweltered this summer.
The red flannel shirt
from Dad was no better.

I’m dead-head to head
with bronzing sunflowers,
wearing my Grandpa’s
shabby straw Fedora.

With Harvest over,
starved hoarfrost nips harder.
Stiff neck's bare beneath
Sissy’s moth-worn muffler.

Pitied daylilies
when the bees droned their ears
recalling abuse
through this lingering year:

Rabble of magpies
pinched my fancy buttons.
Rowdy masked bandits
struck in cloak of darkness.

Relentless sparrows,
brusquely tore away threads,
not seeking consent
before lining their nests.

Deer gnawed needlessly
at my hat made of hemp.
Voles carted away
the dry husks of my flesh.

All faith in me lost,
with my chores forsaken,
yet everyone knew
that crows would not frighten.

Hi Chris,
Croo/ell/lee. Pesky anapests! That's why I went for "Tore threads away cru/ell/lee". "Brusquely tore away the threads" works; there are still some stumbling lines though not quite like logs falling down a flight of stairs. Your poem and very good it is, too.
Best,
tectak

Oh shoot, nice catch Tom! I was trying to maintain the slant rhyme threads/nests by changing the first word alone. Putting Brusquely will have Leanne in a twist. Gonna find another word methinks.

---

final version

In Mom’s frayed wool pants,
I sweltered this summer.
The red flannel shirt
from Dad was no better.

I’m dead-head to head
with bronzing sunflowers,
wearing my Grandpa’s
tattered Fedora.

With Harvest over,
starved hoarfrost nips harder.
Stiff neck's scarcely cloaked
by Sissy’s torn muffler.

Pitied daylilies
when the bees droned their ears
recalling abuse
through this lingering year:

Rabble of magpies
pinched my fancy buttons.
Rowdy masked bandits
struck in veil of darkness.

Relentless sparrows,
cruelly tore away threads,
not seeking consent
before lining their nests.

Deer gnawed needlessly
at my hat made of hemp.
Voles carted away
the dry husks of my flesh.

All faith in me lost,
with my chores forsaken,
yet everyone knew
that crows would not frighten.


le/bil/tru/tec final version 3.1 Thank you!

------------------------------

Hand Me Down to die

original

In Mom’s frayed wool pants,
I sweltered this summer.
The red flannel shirt
from Dad was no better.

I’m dead-head to head
with bronzing sunflowers,
wearing my Grandpa’s
shabby straw Fedora.

With Harvest over,
starved hoarfrost nips harder.
Stiff neck's bare beneath
Sissy’s moth-worn muffler.

Pitied daylilies
when the bees droned their ears
recalling abuse
through this lingering year:

Rabble of magpies
pinched my fancy buttons.
Rowdy masked bandits
struck in cloak of darkness.

Relentless sparrows,
brusquely tore away threads,
not seeking consent
before lining their nests.

Deer gnawed needlessly
at my hat made of hemp.
Voles carted away
the dry husks of my flesh.

All faith in me lost,
with my chores forsaken,
yet everyone knew
that crows would not frighten.

Hi Chris,
Croo/ell/lee. Pesky anapests! That's why I went for "Tore threads away cru/ell/lee". "Brusquely tore away the threads" works; there are still some stumbling lines though not quite like logs falling down a flight of stairs. Your poem and very good it is, too.
Best,
tectak

Oh shoot, nice catch Tom! I was trying to maintain the slant rhyme threads/nests by changing the first word alone. Putting Brusquely will have Leanne in a twist. Gonna find another word methinks.

HARSHLY