After the Flood

[tectak]

this is actually pretty fucking good. If you put a gun to my head, I would gripe about the second 'and" (L5) possibly the flagrancy of 'upon' and perhaps 'flocculation' for alien entity syndrome. Other than that, I am pretty much sold on the first draft here, Tom, and you know that doesn't happen often.

Hi milo,
"quenching", maybe, to lose the "and"?
"upon" and I do not get on well but he keeps turning up uninvited...what to do to get rid? Any thoughts upon it?
floc·cu·late (fl k y -l t ). v. floc·cu·lat·ed, floc·cu·lat·ing, floc·cu·lates. v.tr. 1. To cause (soil) to form lumps or masses. 2. To cause (clouds) to form fluffy masses. v.intr.
Hmmm.
It is not an agricultural term but hey, I'm no farmer. Et tu?
Thanks for the pat...appreciated. Will edit.
Best,
tectak

I know what flocculation means (thank you google) it is just an ugly word to say in such an earthy poem. I would prefer "clumping earth" to it, but maybe it is me.

The upon has to go. Upon means "up on" and nothing happens, really, up on bare land unless that bare land is a mountain, and I think you would have mentione it. I see you rid the 'and' already.

You got it. upon gone. Flocculation is of the earth!
Best,
Tectak