After the Flood
#3
(08-20-2013, 07:29 PM)milo Wrote:  
(08-20-2013, 07:13 PM)tectak Wrote:  He kicks beneath the paling crust
to where the sun has failed the earth
and flocculation turned the juice
into a suffocant for seed,
and quenched the fuse of life.
The flood has gone; upon bare land
he scarifies the earth again
and turns the rotting germ to light.
Time walks beside the new sown grain
and promises each dormant husk
another chance.
Provided there is rain.

Tectak
Spring 2013
this is actually pretty fucking good. If you put a gun to my head, I would gripe about the second 'and" (L5) possibly the flagrancy of 'upon' and perhaps 'flocculation' for alien entity syndrome. Other than that, I am pretty much sold on the first draft here, Tom, and you know that doesn't happen often.
Hi milo,
"quenching", maybe, to lose the "and"?
"upon" and I do not get on well but he keeps turning up uninvited...what to do to get rid? Any thoughts upon it?
floc·cu·late (fl k y -l t ). v. floc·cu·lat·ed, floc·cu·lat·ing, floc·cu·lates. v.tr. 1. To cause (soil) to form lumps or masses. 2. To cause (clouds) to form fluffy masses. v.intr.
Hmmm.
It is not an agricultural term but hey, I'm no farmer. Et tu?
Thanks for the pat...appreciated. Will edit.
Best,
tectak
Reply


Messages In This Thread
After the Flood - by tectak - 08-20-2013, 07:13 PM
RE: After the Flood - by milo - 08-20-2013, 07:29 PM
RE: After the Flood - by tectak - 08-20-2013, 07:45 PM
RE: After the Flood - by milo - 08-20-2013, 08:05 PM
RE: After the Flood - by tectak - 08-20-2013, 10:11 PM
RE: After the Flood - by ChristopherSea - 08-20-2013, 11:00 PM
RE: After the Flood - by tectak - 08-20-2013, 11:51 PM
RE: After the Flood - by ChristopherSea - 08-21-2013, 12:33 AM
RE: After the Flood - by trueenigma - 08-21-2013, 11:29 AM
RE: After the Flood - by milo - 08-21-2013, 11:34 AM
RE: After the Flood - by tectak - 08-21-2013, 05:17 PM
RE: After the Flood - by tectak - 08-21-2013, 10:13 PM
RE: After the Flood - by cidermaid - 08-22-2013, 02:51 AM
RE: After the Flood - by tectak - 08-22-2013, 03:14 AM
RE: After the Flood - by cidermaid - 08-22-2013, 04:37 AM
RE: After the Flood - by trueenigma - 08-22-2013, 06:53 AM
RE: After the Flood - by ChristopherSea - 08-22-2013, 07:54 AM
RE: After the Flood - by btrudo - 08-22-2013, 09:06 AM
RE: After the Flood - by ChristopherSea - 08-23-2013, 09:23 PM
RE: After the Flood - by btrudo - 08-23-2013, 10:06 PM
RE: After the Flood - by ScurryFunger - 08-24-2013, 05:22 AM
RE: After the Flood - by tectak - 08-24-2013, 06:05 AM
RE: After the Flood - by heslopian - 08-24-2013, 11:27 AM



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!