Problems and promises (Edit 1)

[Keith]

Keep me from your clear skies,
fill my mouth with autumn,
hide silent in the forest,
until the twig snaps.
I really like this stanza. I get a clear image in my head. Beautiful.

Bind my hands too tight,
draw a circle round our bed. I'm starting to wonder who you're telling to do these things? A lover perhaps? Maybe specify? Or did you want it to be implied?
Foundation for a bruise,
sunglasses for your lies This line gives me the chills. I like it.

Find the bars and build my cage,
rage in every screw top bottle,
let my feet find broken glass,
pass me to sweat and stench, I'm not feeling this line, but I don't have any suggestions on how to change it at the moment.
drench my shirt in stale pain, Really like this one!
forgive my monster once again. What did the narrator do? Why is there an issue?

I promise.

Hello,
Very good start! You don't have any depth though. Who is the narrator? Who is he speaking to? What happened between them? It just feels to me like there isn't any insight... It's all about feelings. That's okay with me but I feel like you could definitely take this to another level if you expanded on it. Give us a story! But that's just my opinion. Thanks for the read. I really enjoyed a lot of your lines and imagery!

Thank you for your considered feedback, you make some clear points here that will help me with the edit expansion sounds to be the key. Many thanks TOMH