The Passover

[Vistaldust]

no line by line.

i think you can strip a good third away from what you have and the poem would become automatically better.
the narrator of the poem needs to show the reader with some solid images more than just tell a story.

the 1st two lines work but could work a lot better if you work on them. they're the doorway to a longish poem so you need to pull the reader in, dream on the first two lines as you have it might scare the reader away. a suggestion would be to create one line that utilizes the two thoughts. an example;

He rode morphine dreams.
It was a hospice dream, remove the second line and use hospice somewhere in the title.

so you get something like.

Hospice mortallaty

He rode morphine dreams
bathed by memories of darker
times made bright by a twist of plot,
believing scars he inflicted quickly healed.

though i do you you need to do a large edit before you start rearranging the piece.

wish i could have been of more help

Big help, billy. Thanks. Great ideas