08-16-2013, 12:25 AM
Yes the structure needs work but we have to get to the very meat of the poem first. Your piece needs major revision. You are describing the "east" very abstractly. Are you writing about a fictional place? Try describing a place more specific, like a town, maybe a beach? Let us know the name of the place as well. Not only that but "put in" some emotion. I see you've tried to do it: "All sad reminders of what used to be", and the last line. Tell me how a "sad reminder" feels like? Really try to imagine it.