08-15-2013, 10:24 PM
After many reads I'm a bit confused. Too many animals and mothers from my perception 
Her pride are her pride, love that. Bears and porridge seem unnecessary. Slumping into high backed chair for some reason imagery struck me, and I'm not too visual when I read, which was quite pleasant... but too many mothers. Substitute the line immediately after, perhaps, that may fulfill what you're trying to portray without bring another mother into it, an embrace, something motherly but hinted would be my preference.
Stanza 6 would be quite nice ending on "pride", "her will" seems unnecessary.
Thanks for sharing!
Her pride are her pride, love that. Bears and porridge seem unnecessary. Slumping into high backed chair for some reason imagery struck me, and I'm not too visual when I read, which was quite pleasant... but too many mothers. Substitute the line immediately after, perhaps, that may fulfill what you're trying to portray without bring another mother into it, an embrace, something motherly but hinted would be my preference.
Stanza 6 would be quite nice ending on "pride", "her will" seems unnecessary.
Thanks for sharing!