08-13-2013, 08:25 PM
(08-13-2013, 05:57 PM)fim Wrote: Rhyme Therapy (it almost worked)Not sure if you want critique so I'll keep it short. I thought the idea for this poem is very clever, and I really like the way you transitioned between each stanza. Towards the end I found myself guessing what the word would have been if it rhymed, half the time I was close. This is neat, really enjoyed the read!
fim 8/12/13
The psychologist was optimistic;
the treatment deemed a success.
Persistent childhood exposure to rhymes
had caused the adult poet in me considerable … problems. My only question, if the narrator was exposed to rhymes throughout childhood... why is there an issue with rhyming now? Is he all rhymed out? This is a little confusing.
Duress that originated with my mom and her accomplices,
most notably a doctor named Suess, This line is really clever, I like it a lot. I think everyone will be able to get the reference which is nice.
causing me to suffer severe tribulation
in the form of intense … disregard.
Abuse, surprisingly, from fellow poets
who too seek to craft meaning with words
in a manner that captivates a reader
and permits their voices be … spoken, …
heard … and remembered...
I previously thought a consequence of clever rhyme
It took my psychologist over three and a half years
to help me escape that … understanding.
A paradigm so insidiously invasive
bleak was the prognosis until
the psychologist got to know me
and sense I had the … determination, …
the will, to overcome incredible adversity,
to cast off dependencies regardless how engrained,
the desire to grow and flourish as a poet
and from using rhyme … stop.
Refrain from the incredibly tempting indulgence
of similar-sounding, paired, melodic words
that resonant with each other,
consistently, every other … line.
Verse that seduces a reader to ponder
the poet’s circumstance, concept or contention,
presented in a cleverly-crafted package
that makes the offering worth of … contemplation, …
mention.
And of course, my comments are just my opinions. Thanks for posting!
