More than Once upon a Hillock

[milo]

I was waiting for you pounce on rakish, that was my last cool word! I am going to keep at this with your mentoring, as I had wanted to on your new forum. So, I do appreciate your efforts. To lend a bit more meaning to the poem. There are several braided themes herein, perhaps too many. The title reflects both the eternal cycle of butterfly reproduction and fairy tale with the glass boot (Cinderella). Her time restraint, along with Persephone's and the butterfly's all parallel one another. I have placed these metaphore's on a canvas of Autumn, associated rites and holiday. The lovers are a butterfly species that must become domant before the frost, if they are to continue next season. An interloper prevents them from sleeping dormant together. Once a lepidopteran larval is in pupal stage, these amazing zones of tissue called imaginal discs individually differentiate into a respective leg or eye or wing part, etc. I love the imaginal/imagination play here. So, don't take them away from me! Heading back to the stanza war zone now sir!

It isn't that I don't like rakish, btw, it is that it is holding back the greatness of "Camouflaged in nuptial vestments" forcing the rather weakish "in our camouflage" so rakish, imo, has to be sacrificed for the good of all.

Also, I just had a thought, and not that I want to force more work on you, but it seems to me that this would capture the immediacy much better if it were in present tense. Maybe run 2 revisions parallel so we can see both at the same time.