More than Once upon a Hillock

[milo]

Thanks for stopping in to read and comment Milo. I can't argue with many of your points. Even a penchant for Roman women should not have led me to paired Luna with Apollo. Much obliged to you for catching this overlook. I could reword the scion's and lose one of the v-descriptors. I was going for skins/pelts with pelages. I could make it simpler (dumb it down), use words with no interest in either sound or meaning, ha ha... I need alternate punctuation to separate the breaths and wings or an intervening line between them. They are obviously not wings sharing breaths or wings in a cocoon. They are linked by metaphor for unity as is the shared chrysalis. Purely literal poetry is a bore, but one can certainly strive for clarity and grammar. The geese have gotten more than one reader's gander. Lepidoptera (adults of larvae) cannot survive a killing frost. This was a species that does not migrate, hence their contempt for the geese. Geese can wing in echelon ( from the online dictionary). If you don't accept it, tough nuts. Merriam Webster trumps Milo in my world. However, I will probably simplify this with your suggestions and see how it sounds. I appreciate your time and thoughts. Cheers/Chris

A note one M-W: They are notoriously lazy as I have proved on this site several times but in this instance they are correct. Still, Geese winging /in/ echelon is not the same as geese winging /an/ echelon in a poem that seems to skip all articles but not preps the article is assumed, not only of many possible preps. I understood the skins/pelts, coats means the same but you gain a double meaning and some sonics and lose the obfuscation.


looking forward to the revision.

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Thanks for stopping in to read and comment Milo. I can't argue with many of your points. Even a penchant for Roman women should not have led me to paired Luna with Apollo. Much obliged to you for catching this overlook. I could reword the scion's and lose one of the v-descriptors. I was going for skins/pelts with pelages. I could make it simpler (dumb it down), use words with no interest in either sound or meaning, ha ha... I need alternate punctuation to separate the breaths and wings or an intervening line between them. They are obviously not wings sharing breaths or wings in a cocoon. They are linked by metaphor for unity as is the shared chrysalis. Purely literal poetry is a bore, but one can certainly strive for clarity and grammar. The geese have gotten more than one reader's gander. Lepidoptera (adults of larvae) cannot survive a killing frost. This was a species that does not migrate, hence their contempt for the geese. Geese can wing in echelon ( from the online dictionary). If you don't accept it, tough nuts. Merriam Webster trumps Milo in my world. However, I will probably simplify this with your suggestions and see how it sounds. I appreciate your time and thoughts. Cheers/Chris

A note one M-W: They are notoriously lazy as I have proved on this site several times but in this instance they are correct. Still, Geese winging /in/ echelon is not the same as geese winging /an/ echelon in a poem that seems to skip all articles but not preps the article is assumed, not only of many possible preps. I understood the skins/pelts, coats means the same but you gain a double meaning and some sonics and lose the obfuscation.


looking forward to the revision.

actually, after re-reading, I like geese flying in echelon as well, it would benefit from either an article or prep though, it causes the reading to stumble as it is.