08-12-2013, 10:18 AM
hi martr.
any effort to master something is great.
i read the comments and have to agree with them.
i think with a form like this where you have 1,2,3 and 4 syllable lines etc, you should try and make every word count. go for images if possible. lines like you stare in my eyes isn't the strongest of images. make the poem stronger.
it's a double etheree...(i'm not a genius, i had to looked it up)
any effort to master something is great.
i read the comments and have to agree with them.
i think with a form like this where you have 1,2,3 and 4 syllable lines etc, you should try and make every word count. go for images if possible. lines like you stare in my eyes isn't the strongest of images. make the poem stronger.
it's a double etheree...(i'm not a genius, i had to looked it up)
(08-11-2013, 09:41 PM)Martyr Wrote: Cold
Loveless
Your face turns
You think of me
You stare in my eyes
Yet you glare right through me
I’m in trouble for something
Properly something I didn't do probably
In your eyes I’m guilty already
And never ever to be forgiven
You won’t even let me know what it is
No matter how much I beg and cry
It’s like I’m not worth anything
Like what we have means nothing
And nothing is what’s left
Nothing left to give
Nothing to take the the four nothings don't do the poem any favours.
Emptiness
Loveless
Cold