08-11-2013, 10:57 PM
Hi all, thank you so much for your kind and constructive feedback on this. You have certainly given me a lot to think about, especially regarding the close of the poem and the Christ simile in line 3 (upon reading this over, I also think the simile here unnecessary, thank you for picking me up on it).
Billy: a very good question regarding my use of space. I'm of the opinion that each poem is not limited to a single type of existence: each poem exists as a spoken entity, a spatial and visual construct, and a combination of both when we read them inside our heads. I believe that the way we space words, how we experiment with physical distance, blank space, stanza breaks, is integral to our understanding of how poems function. Indeed, this isn't limited to post-1900 poetry in the modern or postmodern traditions - consider the sonnet forms which are so popular on this forum. Our engagement with them is undeniably visual before it is textual - we see the fourteen line shape and make all sorts of assumptions before we've even read the first line. In the sonnet, shape carries connotations of tradition (Milton, Spenser, Shakespeare, Petrarch etc) and suggests the nature of the poem we're to be reading (even if the poet uses this these visual assumptions to betray or mislead the reader). Indeed, I often wonder whether it is a coincidence sonnets are so connected to commemoration (for example, Shakespeare's wonderful sonnets on textual immortality), and that their visual shape might be likened to that of a tombstone...but this might be a mad little musing. For reasons such as this, I find the visual aspect of poetry incredibly important - it is another palette available for us poets to add nuance and hint at references. Just my opinion, and I completely understand that not everyone finds blank space as exciting as I do...!
Also, yes, the tenses are mixed in the first few lines, but this is grammatically fine, I think: 'which wash our feet' is part of a relative clause, so adding a new tense is fine, and the opening line does not presuppose that the verb has been terminated - 'we have walked so far' doesn't mean we have stopped.
Thank you for your comments, they have been so helpful.
Billy: a very good question regarding my use of space. I'm of the opinion that each poem is not limited to a single type of existence: each poem exists as a spoken entity, a spatial and visual construct, and a combination of both when we read them inside our heads. I believe that the way we space words, how we experiment with physical distance, blank space, stanza breaks, is integral to our understanding of how poems function. Indeed, this isn't limited to post-1900 poetry in the modern or postmodern traditions - consider the sonnet forms which are so popular on this forum. Our engagement with them is undeniably visual before it is textual - we see the fourteen line shape and make all sorts of assumptions before we've even read the first line. In the sonnet, shape carries connotations of tradition (Milton, Spenser, Shakespeare, Petrarch etc) and suggests the nature of the poem we're to be reading (even if the poet uses this these visual assumptions to betray or mislead the reader). Indeed, I often wonder whether it is a coincidence sonnets are so connected to commemoration (for example, Shakespeare's wonderful sonnets on textual immortality), and that their visual shape might be likened to that of a tombstone...but this might be a mad little musing. For reasons such as this, I find the visual aspect of poetry incredibly important - it is another palette available for us poets to add nuance and hint at references. Just my opinion, and I completely understand that not everyone finds blank space as exciting as I do...!
Also, yes, the tenses are mixed in the first few lines, but this is grammatically fine, I think: 'which wash our feet' is part of a relative clause, so adding a new tense is fine, and the opening line does not presuppose that the verb has been terminated - 'we have walked so far' doesn't mean we have stopped.
Thank you for your comments, they have been so helpful.