Winner Stops On
#15
(08-10-2013, 09:05 PM)Heslopian Wrote:  I was halfway through this poem when I realised that it was about snooker/poolBlush

(08-08-2013, 06:31 PM)ray Wrote:  You take your cue and my history is potted -
just tuck me away in your middle pocket. Very good half rhyme.

How you chalk the tip before you bend and break;
I stand up to study the positions you take.

As we kiss I am cast upon cushioned walls "Kiss" confused me. The only thing which could be described as kissing the ball (giggle) is the cue, not the person wielding it.
before coming to rest within gaping jaws. "Gaping jaws" is an excellent description of the entrance to a pool table's hole.

Using top and bottom to maintain command
you pull me across with the bridge of your hand.

When the table’s cleared colours enter your face Great line; almost kaleidoscopic.
and we share control of the bed and space.
Were the sexual undertones in this poem deliberate? A stupid question, perhaps, but I'll ask nonetheless. Critique is JMHO. Thank you for the readSmile
Thanks, Heslopian. In snooker/pool, it is the balls that kiss, ricochet off each other.
Er, yes, the sexual undertones are what the poem is all about.
Before criticising a person try walking a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticise that person, you are a mile away.... and you have their shoes.
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Messages In This Thread
Winner Stops On - by ray - 08-08-2013, 06:31 PM
RE: Winner Stops On - by milo - 08-08-2013, 06:41 PM
RE: Winner Stops On - by billy - 08-08-2013, 06:50 PM
RE: Winner Stops On - by ray - 08-09-2013, 04:32 AM
RE: Winner Stops On - by milo - 08-09-2013, 05:40 AM
RE: Winner Stops On - by Keith - 08-09-2013, 06:11 AM
RE: Winner Stops On - by ray - 08-09-2013, 04:29 PM
RE: Winner Stops On - by newsclippings - 08-09-2013, 04:38 PM
RE: Winner Stops On - by ray - 08-09-2013, 07:58 PM
RE: Winner Stops On - by ScurryFunger - 08-09-2013, 08:16 PM
RE: Winner Stops On - by ray - 08-09-2013, 08:48 PM
RE: Winner Stops On - by ScurryFunger - 08-10-2013, 12:01 AM
RE: Winner Stops On - by ray - 08-10-2013, 12:08 AM
RE: Winner Stops On - by heslopian - 08-10-2013, 09:05 PM
RE: Winner Stops On - by ray - 08-10-2013, 11:51 PM
RE: Winner Stops On - by trueenigma - 08-12-2013, 12:12 AM



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