More than Once upon a Hillock

[ChristopherSea]

Heslopian, thank you very much for taking the time to read my poem and especially for the in depth analysis and astute observations/suggestions. As a watercolor artist, I must confess that I do come off a bit strong with the color and imagery. Just look at my avatar, ha ha! So I tried to paint the autumn sun and moon in that first stanza, as the angle of the sun’s ecliptic is lower, light refracted (by that horse-drawn chariot ;^} ) and wavelengths reflected by the moon are longer (orange). Vermillion and ocher are those watercolor brushes flourishing again. Ochre is definitely not needed, as turmeric is used to stain the Buddhist monk robes. The carotene pelage swap is right on. I used a little archaic-speak there. Each of the two lovers is one of the wings of a single crow; to recapitulate the shared breathes metaphor in terms of unity. I will examine my wording there. An echelon is also a V-formation of migration and aircraft flight. I laugh at geese honking myself and they do seem obligated to migrate in that noisy geometrical fashion, but I shall look at that section again. ‘Became’ is right. Chrysalis/imaginal disc part is Lepidoptera biology and really what this piece is all about. The mythology captures the season, but also the annual cycle of life for certain creatures. Again, much obliged!

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hi christopher. i have to say i'm not equipped enough to give you a good piece of feedback on the poem. i've mentioned a few things but even now, i'm not sure my points are that valid because as i say, the word play feels to bee beyond me. individually you have a lot of good images. the poem as whol feels like a set of snapshots of religious festivals (all except the geese stanza )

thanks for the reads and for all the feedback i've seen you give :J:

Apollo rode lesser azimuths,
his quadriga streaming hues,
while Luna upheld amber façade i need a better education and a lot of google to understand this stanza

and we epitomized autumn,
vermillion veiled maples
with jack-o’-lantern vistas. on it's own i think this stanza is more accessible for the reader to comprehend, i like the image of endless lanterns

Demeter’s scions,
we negotiated leaf veins,
pelages stained carotene.

Rakish, our camouflage
in ochre sun vestments,
ersatz monks in turmeric robes.

Mouths flavored curry, would curry flavoured mouths be easier to comprehend,
exchanging lamb stew breaths, i love this line, though i'm not sure it works to well with the curry line
two wings of one crow

within shared chrysalis,
imaginal discs of what could be.
No scattered flock of doubt,

as we chortled at wild geese
that honked the obligatory echelon, is the a [in] missing
migrating to southern latitudes.

I split pine for the hearth;
she gathered stygian blooms
for our Thanksgiving table. this feels out of character with the poem because of it's clarity

Sun-dialed the hour winter
and she was repossessed,
blushing pomegranate.

I entered darkling torpor
within her obsidian boot,
until we become vernal again.

Billy, you make very good points, I really appreciate the read and commentary. Some of your valid coments are addressed in my response to Heslopian. The curry swap is a good one and I love this spice in my lamb stew, so they may be alright together. There is a series of autumn rites herein (so you are correct) and it relates to nature renewal and seasonal-dependent biology. That's where the geese and Thanksgiving come in too. For Monarch butterflies, Thanksgiving is akin to their last supper, ha ha! Truly grateful for your time, patience and insight!/Chris