More than Once upon a Hillock

[billy]

hi christopher. i have to say i'm not equipped enough to give you a good piece of feedback on the poem. i've mentioned a few things but even now, i'm not sure my points are that valid because as i say, the word play feels to bee beyond me. individually you have a lot of good images. the poem as whol feels like a set of snapshots of religious festivals (all except the geese stanza )

thanks for the reads and for all the feedback i've seen you give :J:

Apollo rode lesser azimuths,
his quadriga streaming hues,
while Luna upheld amber façade i need a better education and a lot of google to understand this stanza

and we epitomized autumn,
vermillion veiled maples
with jack-o’-lantern vistas. on it's own i think this stanza is more accessible for the reader to comprehend, i like the image of endless lanterns

Demeter’s scions,
we negotiated leaf veins,
pelages stained carotene.

Rakish, our camouflage
in ochre sun vestments,
ersatz monks in turmeric robes.

Mouths flavored curry, would curry flavoured mouths be easier to comprehend,
exchanging lamb stew breaths, i love this line, though i'm not sure it works to well with the curry line
two wings of one crow

within shared chrysalis,
imaginal discs of what could be.
No scattered flock of doubt,

as we chortled at wild geese
that honked the obligatory echelon, is the a [in] missing
migrating to southern latitudes.

I split pine for the hearth;
she gathered stygian blooms
for our Thanksgiving table. this feels out of character with the poem because of it's clarity

Sun-dialed the hour winter
and she was repossessed,
blushing pomegranate.

I entered darkling torpor
within her obsidian boot,
until we become vernal again.