Broken bricks and distant singers
#4
Interesting poem, I don't get it all by any means but there's some nice passages and sweet rhymes. You seem to be likening the body to a room or building, which explains the broken bricks of the title, though not, to me, the distant singers.
Do you need silent before semiquavers? Who hears moths?

Fistfuls of moths beat their silent semiquavers
Against my brow;
I low like a doleful cow. - nice lines, but the next passage mystifies me.
The stench of beef,
Raw, and cut and sore
Pulls at me from the door.

The moon in this room is blue or, perhaps, brown
And leers like a clown - which sounds like a face
Or round tomb. The walls, which are taller
Than those of Troy or Carthage, push and pull -why Troy/Carthage?
Snap and splinter;
I tap; there’s a hole; now a sphincter. - lovely rhyme

My ears are funnels or sieves which hear
Valhalla and Brünnhilde’s infernal screeches
As incineration dissolves into inebriation. - best part of the poem but Troy/Carthage, now Valhalla!
Tell me, woman, of what do you sing? Do you sing
Of the river and the
Fall from grace
To damnation? I sing too.
Of broken bricks and
Distant singers.
Before criticising a person try walking a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticise that person, you are a mile away.... and you have their shoes.
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Messages In This Thread
RE: Broken bricks and distant singers - by billy - 08-09-2013, 09:47 AM
RE: Broken bricks and distant singers - by ray - 08-09-2013, 06:39 PM



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