Transient

[SunRose]

I liked your poem. The style was elegant - the choice of words and formatting. I have two problems though. The capitalization seems random, for one. Second, I'm not sure I understand what the poem is about. At first I thought it was about a deer named Dusk, but I think that just came to me because your avatar is a deer and you mention 'prey' and 'caught'. I like the idea from qwerty_H that each portion is about a different part of the day. I dont know if my comments about your poem are totally off-base. I've never critiqued anyone's poetry or had any I've written be critiqued. Keep up the writing!

Dusk,
youthful child.
Daughter of day.

Pale,
hauntingly innocent,
helplessly small
prey.

Caught,
captive of time.
Left to decay.

Withering,
Lost and forgotten
Wasting a-
way.




Alright, with the exception of some things I did as assignments in high school, this is my first poem. I wrote it a few months ago and wasn't very happy with it, got a bit discouraged and haven't wrote much since. I wanted to share a poem I was a bit closer to but I cant seem to write anything and I'm eager to post something for critique. This effort feels a bit cliche/insincere to me aswell as a bit clumsy but maybe it will resonant better with others, and at any rate I can get some outside opinions on it. Appreciate all feedback.