Poor Poem

[ChristopherSea]

What struck me most about your poor poem is that the rant comes off as one against the newborn babe and therefore disturbing. If true, it is effective, but I assume it may be metaphor for a relationship that feels like a pregnancy or childbirth. Perhaps some revising could clear that up for readers. You have three forms of line breaks herein. Ones where commas are implied, the first break after line 2, which may or may not be a new sentence and others for structure and guidance. I would put in the commas, place a period after the first couplet. Eyes can't burn at deformities, do you mean from or with? The same with jaundice, which is a discoloration of the eye from bilirubin accumualation. I would choose eyes glow with jaundice or eyes painted jaundice. Then comes, the way you gulp air. Do your eyes burn from that too? Maybe ears would be more appropriately assulted by that air gulp. The close has an intriguing twist, but since the rant is against 'you', the 'me' comes a bit abruptly when I read it. Perhaps, don't separate it from the line above, which would better hide the twist and add some sort of transition, something like:

You sink beneath
the gravity of others,
give or take
an occasional bump-
while I find myself
pregnant again.