milo, I changed to "finger" -- I agree it's better and it doesn't affect the meaning in the slightest. I'm also killing off the "rusted". They're such small changes I'm not going to post them as a revision.
I am pondering the rest of the suggestions but I have already been through a few revisions with this one in the last couple of days (off site) so I'm just going to let it sit for a while.
Chris, great to hear from you! From that excellent critique it looks as though that time in the PJL tights did you a world of good
. Your reading is as close to perfect as I could have asked. (The excreta isn't the only thing causing the red algae, of course, it's just the lovely chunky bits that stir it up a bit.)
Billy, the voyeur isn't the bad guy really, just an outsider who thinks he's got a right to demand full disclosure.
Newsclippings, there's definitely a shriek in that last line and I'm glad you did google, just don't always listen to milo -- sometimes he hasn't got a clue
I am pondering the rest of the suggestions but I have already been through a few revisions with this one in the last couple of days (off site) so I'm just going to let it sit for a while.
Chris, great to hear from you! From that excellent critique it looks as though that time in the PJL tights did you a world of good
. Your reading is as close to perfect as I could have asked. (The excreta isn't the only thing causing the red algae, of course, it's just the lovely chunky bits that stir it up a bit.) Billy, the voyeur isn't the bad guy really, just an outsider who thinks he's got a right to demand full disclosure.
Newsclippings, there's definitely a shriek in that last line and I'm glad you did google, just don't always listen to milo -- sometimes he hasn't got a clue
It could be worse