08-08-2013, 04:14 AM
Greetings Leanne H., its Christopher C. from ten years ago (on Poets.com). It seems like I have happened upon your home in finding this poetry site. You and others have built what appears to be a very practical forum with the noble goal of improving one’s craft herein.
It is nice to read you again and in free verse no less!
For me, this piece speaks of relationship gone awry. These once lovers or loved ones have two diametrically opposed viewpoints of their status. This is illustrated in the title (voyeur vs, harpy), the breeze/lake (and what lies beneath) metaphor and the Jupiter-Pluto (could be father or lover)/Proserpina metaphor (This Italian went Roman over Greek, ha, ha). Your so-called voyeur in the breeze must have implied that he wants to know her more deeply, in his asking to see all of her, but it is lip service, as he fails to even look beneath this scorned Harpy of the Lake’s surface. He probably does not have the capacity. Therefore, he just paints a veneer of bliss, as reflected in his narrow view, yet propensity for watercolors (which spoke to the painter in me). He is oblivious to the havoc/pollution below in the silt, as vividly detailed.
The title is extreme and puts the two in their worst light. It may compel less compassion for the female narrator, but it certainly conveys her passion. I had to chuckle at trolleys and beadheads, as they brought to mind different images than carts and headboards for this American. Perfect for an Aussie, I bet. Half a Datsun was a bit humorous as well. I don’t know, I guess the 70’s image and the reality that those initial Japanese imports rusted in less than 3 years. Where’s the other half of it, by the way? Nonetheless, the three pieces of hardware work well under water! Perhaps, I would use rusty twisted for rusted and twisted. I’ll accept your six Punica granatum seeds. I am not crazy about excreta (who is), but you know that a scientist loves algal blooms! However, urine and feces alone will not necessarily result in enough nitrification to cause a bloom. It has been linked to chemical phosphate and nitrate purging into waterways.
I heard The Who’s ‘The Real Me’ in your closer and I found the last line poignant. Additionally, there are many forms of hell. Agreed, that there would be no fire to purify in this one under the lake.
Cheers, I will try another read when I can.
It is nice to read you again and in free verse no less!
For me, this piece speaks of relationship gone awry. These once lovers or loved ones have two diametrically opposed viewpoints of their status. This is illustrated in the title (voyeur vs, harpy), the breeze/lake (and what lies beneath) metaphor and the Jupiter-Pluto (could be father or lover)/Proserpina metaphor (This Italian went Roman over Greek, ha, ha). Your so-called voyeur in the breeze must have implied that he wants to know her more deeply, in his asking to see all of her, but it is lip service, as he fails to even look beneath this scorned Harpy of the Lake’s surface. He probably does not have the capacity. Therefore, he just paints a veneer of bliss, as reflected in his narrow view, yet propensity for watercolors (which spoke to the painter in me). He is oblivious to the havoc/pollution below in the silt, as vividly detailed.
The title is extreme and puts the two in their worst light. It may compel less compassion for the female narrator, but it certainly conveys her passion. I had to chuckle at trolleys and beadheads, as they brought to mind different images than carts and headboards for this American. Perfect for an Aussie, I bet. Half a Datsun was a bit humorous as well. I don’t know, I guess the 70’s image and the reality that those initial Japanese imports rusted in less than 3 years. Where’s the other half of it, by the way? Nonetheless, the three pieces of hardware work well under water! Perhaps, I would use rusty twisted for rusted and twisted. I’ll accept your six Punica granatum seeds. I am not crazy about excreta (who is), but you know that a scientist loves algal blooms! However, urine and feces alone will not necessarily result in enough nitrification to cause a bloom. It has been linked to chemical phosphate and nitrate purging into waterways.
I heard The Who’s ‘The Real Me’ in your closer and I found the last line poignant. Additionally, there are many forms of hell. Agreed, that there would be no fire to purify in this one under the lake.
Cheers, I will try another read when I can.
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris