08-08-2013, 01:58 AM
(08-07-2013, 11:21 AM)alatos Wrote: That leaf, which pops out of the burgundy stalk,Then ending of this poem gives an understated sense of solitude or loneliness. I liked the picture you painted.
half in shade, beneath my porch, beside gravel walk, Nice imagery here with the first two lines, the rhythm feels appropriately relaxed and the rhyme comes off as fairly natural
and gives rest to a bug (of an unknown sort, crawling slowly), soaks in day: Not sure if I like the part in parentheses, speficially "crawling slowly" It made me pause while reading, killed the flow a bit maybe that was intentional idk
playing stoic receiver of the birds’ report.
Yes, this same leaf,
with its yellowed edge, Good imagery again, could really imagine this
needs no belief,
has no creed, takes no pledge.
Of course has no learning Not sure if its necessary but I want to read this with a comma after of course
but the sun and the rain,
yet this leaf knows my yearning:
this leaf knows no pain.