Impossible Waters

[brandonalsip]

Hi Brandon..

Though this piece is a little purple for my taste, I will acknowledge that it has some interesting images.

The first 7 lines establish a nice momentum..the descriptions almost shimmer. Then, unfortunately, the next 6 lines devolve to random, fragmented descriptions that mar the poem.

I really like the last 2 lines..they are a good summation.

I was kind of going for just describing clouds how I see them but I know I disliked the way the last two lines before the end really bugged me and they broke the flow. I don't know what to do to make it better really. Also seriously thank you both for taking the time to read this is seriously appreciated.