Forever and evrah

[billy]

for a newb the feedback you gave is okay for the novice forum, as your poetry improves so will your feedback (keep giving it as it will also help your poetry. )
four major points to look out for,
cliche ( a phrase that has become common and worn out by overuse) to get round cliche you can alter them or use metaphor, simile or other poetic
meter, and images, but there something to look at once you sort out the cliche problems
end rhymes. most of then are too obvious.
i have some links at the bottom of this post, give them a read, they will help your poetry

what does evrah mean ?

hope i wasn't too hard on you i know from my own experience feedback can be a bit of blow

I wrote your name in the sand, this is a cliche, it's a phrase that's been used over and over , try and write original lines and example would be, i strung your name round my neck; most cliche can be changed to something original. many of the other lines are cliche as well.
Then turned to have you hold my hand,
I loved you every day and night,
Even when I made us fight,
You make me smile and make me cry,
Without you I feel like I will die,
To me your my first and only love,
But now as I stare at the sky above,
I see how I treated you and made you hurt,
I made you feel smaller than a grain of dirt,
For that I am sorry, disgusted and ashamed,
And I know that I am the one to be blamed,
Now I feel like an empty shell,
And my heart hurts, it's as painful as hell,
I promise I'm trying and I'm holding on to hope,
As this is the way I can cope,
I was stupid and dumb,
Immature and young,
I played with fire and yes I got burnt,
But I promise that from my lesson I have learnt,
I want to start over as this can't be the end,
You are my partner, my lover and by far my bestfriend,
If you are willing to forgive but not to forget,
I swear I'll make you happy and my life I will bet.
I wrote your name in the sand but it was stolen by the tide,
You wrote your name in my heart where forever and evrah it will reside

I miss you...

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Just had a read through some others and mine is very different so I apologise in advance haha, I just wrote down what came to mind, it took about 15 minutes. As I said this is really out of my comfort zone, I'm a 20 year old tree lopper who rides dirt bikes haha so sorry for my sloppiness