08-01-2013, 04:17 PM
This is an unusual poem. I would suggest changing the first line to The whispers tell me I am to refer back to the title. The abrupt change that occurs due to the third stanza actually took me out of the poem for a moment because I was so interested in what was happening in the first two which made it difficult for me to read the rest. I'm not sure if this is a problem that needs to be addressed but a subjective thing on my part so take it as you will. Maybe you can take out the last two lines of S3 so we can quickly get to "Is my father in the mafia?" Another issue I have is that it might be a bit too prosaic. In other poems this might be a major problem but with this one I think its strange nature compensates for it, somehow. But I enjoyed reading this overall. It's certainly different.