07-31-2013, 11:26 PM
the lack of punctuation didn't really take away from the poem but I would suggest adding some punctuation. The title and the message don't really click. I don't know why you want to make two little pink lines. Maybe describe why the two little pink lines are so important. It is the title of the poem isn't it? IT should be a stronger message. I sort of agree with thewall. Why is there a panic arising before the morning sun? How do the two pink lines relate two that?