07-30-2013, 10:19 PM
Thank you for your kind and insightful critiques, ray and cidermaid
I did dither over that opening quote, and after reading your feedback I've decided to delete it. The idea was to convey the notion that a place is so rancid that claiming it's not is funny. Greene was talking about Haiti, though, so... yeah, I'll delete it
"Empire" was an allusion to the British Empire.
I'll use some of your suggestions in a moment, guys, as they're really good, and thanks again.
ray - I looked up "artifacts" on Google and both spellings are apparently acceptable.
cidermaid - would "class" work better than "gender", seeing as it has more to do with the poem's theme?
I did dither over that opening quote, and after reading your feedback I've decided to delete it. The idea was to convey the notion that a place is so rancid that claiming it's not is funny. Greene was talking about Haiti, though, so... yeah, I'll delete it"Empire" was an allusion to the British Empire.
I'll use some of your suggestions in a moment, guys, as they're really good, and thanks again.
ray - I looked up "artifacts" on Google and both spellings are apparently acceptable.
cidermaid - would "class" work better than "gender", seeing as it has more to do with the poem's theme?
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe