A War Hero

[billy]

it's very wordy and uses a lot of cliche. i marked out one wordy line but there are lots if you take a good look.
it also reads as very generic and somewhat too poetic. that said some of the rhymes need fixing. at present there is no image of worth in the poem.

look at the last verse, if i'd have written it, what you're feedback be to me. there's some good pdf's on the site (see bottom of post) that give the new poet some direction) they may help in setting you off on the right foot.

thanks for the read.

His hands have tasted death,
like a cool winter's chill.
His lungs have tasted a new breath,
for he now has a killer's will. he has, instead of [for he now has]

Does killing change a man?
He knows inside it does, no need for inside
for he belongs to a new clan,
a clan with a killer buzz.

His return home is praised,
but inside he feels unjustified.
The war has made him crazed,
but unfortunetly he cant resist being modified.

Soon his life will consist of pleasures.
Golf, tennis and whatever else.
All of life's treasures,
are wrapped around his belt.

But he can never forget,
the look in the eyes he felt.
As he killed it is correct,
what all his enemies were dealt.

So live on war hero,
in your life of regret.
Draw your bow and arrow,
and live a life of neglect.