Debt

[R.C. KITCHENS]

The saxophones have found her home and slither in
to run riot on the quiet of her body.
I read the first draft, I see you took out "silver tin" "stolen" and replaced it with "have found her home" This seems to work as it gives a setting, where before, there was an inconsistency.
Forefingers and thumbs stretch a pliant skin,
she grows wet in the depths of her study
where she’s learning lap dancing and TEFL,
I like this better than sweat, because it implies she is getting horny.
to throw a dart in a far part of the globe
and chase an arrow for the precious metal
while her lips and her legs remain in vogue.
I kind of take this as dreams and aspiration, an arrow doesnt hold "precious metal" unless its gold or silver. I'd suggest a change there. It distracts as when reading , you realize that there is nothing precious in the metal of an arrow.
It’s closing time in the gardens of the west;
the baton is passed on to feed a hunger.
"baton" is a rarity associated with lap dancing.
She’s in a tipsy state and a flimsy dress,
bent over at the wrong end of a conga.
While foreign eyes are leering at his daughter,
he’s in the queue for Adjustment Disorder.

I think some work should be done for more clarity. The Father bit is a good transition, but could need more explanation as the poem seems to imply she was eating and it is assumed alone. But, the father is there, how? why? does she live with him or did he happen upon her by coincidence? It leaves questions, but it isnt bad to leave questions..It makes it mysterious like there should be a second part to the poem coming. which means..that a second part of the poem is needed or that the poem as sits, will need a line of clarification.