Our Love , Edit one!

[Volaticus]

Alright here's my knack at some real poetry. I'm going to dedicate a lot of time to this one I promise

Our love

I only hope our love can be sustained
For it feels so true and good
I know what it is like to be close to eternity
Because I have felt you

Dancing in the stars we create
A new cosmos that anyone can relate
It is a perfect love for me and you
And I only hope that we can still find something new

And if the stars fail us one day
May us create a new beacon of light
One that frees all from the fray
With our love the sustaining might

May our light never change a bit
For if it does I may have a fit
A love so true should never go to waste
So hey write a song to copy and paste

This love deserves recognition
For it is too perfect not be known
It is an epic flowing demonstration
Of the way the cosmos should be flown

Honest feed back please. I actually read this one aloud to test it and I think it flows nicely. Please give me some feedback

Hi,
The lack of punctuation made it difficult to read I'm afraid, and some of the lines sounds awkward (ie. S2 L1-2).
I don't think your end rhymes are working too well, they feel forced in places, resulting in those awkward lines.
Is there a reason you don't have end rhymes in S1? I don't think "recognition" and "demonstration" rhymes.
I hope this was of any help, and all is of course JMHO, to be used or binned at will.
Best,
LB