07-28-2013, 03:55 AM
The first stanza is perfect and I wouldn't change it a bit. I don't understand why you want your dear the "Levitate". I agree with rowens the rhymes are kind of forced. But in a weird way they flow somewhat. It seems to me like you just needed any excuse to rhyme. Like rowens said try to find rhymes that feel more natural. The second stanza line 2 seems too long. Stanza 3 line one doesn't have any meaning behind it. You just kind of drifted off after it. Stanza 4 is a little weird because I don't think anyone would judge you by exaggerating. Stanza 5 is nice though. I like the way you rhymed the rhyming there doesn't seem to forced. But the final two lines of the poem take away from it. They seem random. Just some honest feedback from a newb as others have pointed out. Yes I am a newbie when it comes to poetry I understand that. Hope the feedback helps cya!