Tanka 26th July

[soonforgotten?]

I like the idea, I feel the confusion! Do you have a title for this?

Wondering though, if you couldn't compress it into three lines instead of five. That way, each line would have a stronger weight, making the poem more powerful.

I would suggest contracting L1 and L2 into one line, same with L3 and L4.

Thanks for the read!