Cow Town (language warning) (EDIT 1)

[tectak]

Rebel with nowhere to go,
no room here to change or grow.
Little fish in a big sea,
what the world can offer me.

Taxis, people, and parties,
somewhere I would rather be.
Put my old life on a shelf,
to make a name for myself.

But my world is fields of green,
trapped for miles without concrete.
No one ever leaves this town.
There they are, the fucking cows.

Hi,
I've read this several times...not because I love it but because I want to discover why it is at once so conceptually good yet so irritatingly banal...and you know what, I've got it!
It's the cliches.
This piece could be made into a keeper.
You have a great idea, here, but you have not made the best of it.
Cliche count;
little fish, big sea (pond OK but no escape )
world can offer me
life on a shelf (a bit unfair maybe...but shelf life keeps jumping of the page)
make a name for myself
fields of green

...BUT this is me liking it.
Try an edit with less cliches. It may be tough but it will be worth it.
Best,
tectak