first ever poem - friendship

[R.C. KITCHENS]

Hi all

Never written a poem before, chances are I wont again.

It's a friends birthday on Monday and I figured I'd have a go at writing a poem for her.

I'm not really a poetry person nor is my use of language anything to write home about (see what I did there ), but I thought it might be a nice thing to do for her.

I feel it's a tad saccharin and "hallmark" but it's personal and touches on things we've done together. (Gentle) feedback sought and any ways to improve appreciated.

it's provisionally entitled Friendship (original I know)


Our friendship is very special
We first met online
our friendship began to grow
now it feels sublime

We took a trip across the Border
Around an old Hospital we did Wander
Much fun was had in that old building
Our friendship , it grew stronger

The Walk Through the field caused me distress
You took care of me, so caring
Many happy and fun times ahead
With you these times i will be sharing

Next we met was to capture your beauty
Once more we headed west
more fun was had in that land
times spent with you are the best

Again we met, we crossed the water
We sat in a windmill just talking
You Were brave, honest and open
Just chilling and bonding

So what future our friendship
My life without you in it , Never
You light up my life,my soul
Our Friendship , It will be forever

I don't think you necessarily have to point out each instance. But, if your going to, I think you would be better off switching "Again we met" with Remember when we crossed the water". I would also fix this- "Once more we headed west more fun was had in that land" Maybe "Once more we headed west and had fun in that land" It just reads better.