first ever poem - friendship

[Magpie]

thanks for that

sorry I'm not actually giving her the poem for another fortnight should have clarified that.

Thanks again for the feedback

Perhaps I should of worked that out by the fact you only posted it yesterday, either that or you were being really cheeky. Well then there's time, even if for a few days you read some poems on here and you might get some more ideas and even doing a critique of other peoples poems will help you improve your writing and understanding and then see how you want to take it after that. You could post a reworking of it and see what happens.
Also I hope you don't think this is cheeky but you described your poem by saying "I feel it's a tad saccharin and "hallmark" and there you have a poetic line, obviously you ain't gonna say that to her but it's obvious that you've got the vocabulary, just try not to try so hard if you know what I mean, think about how words or phrases sound and read them out aloud, that line above sounds quite good when you read it out loud especially "saccharin"
I'll leave it to you as to what to do next.
Thanks Mark