Her eyes, Tell lies.
#3
I thought I would hate this when I saw the lack of formatting, but in the end found it worked. The words seemed to have a (mostly) natural rhythm, a bit like a punchy rap or spoken song.

Interestingly my mental punctuation ran slightly different to cidermaid's:

(07-19-2013, 11:36 AM)The-Dark-Seeker Wrote:  I thought it was love
when push came to shove
you threw me away

I'm not gonna play around
I thought it was good
what we found
it was profound
these feelings came back
to my mind, it was whack
I never thought I'd have
this feeling again and then
boom
you set off in my heart like a bomb

people tell me stay calm
she loves you
she won't cheat
but still that thought wont skip the beat
hurt so much it's a rush
to just jump into this love
like a beautiful all white dove
so[a]ring through the air
it ain't fair
that I should hurt you
but it hurts me to believe
I can't achieve
true happiness without
you by my side
it's like sitting
on a long car ride
deep inside I confide
tell my self she won't burn me
she can't turn me
but she does.
Overweening vanity :: sub-type poetry :: sub-type generic
Not forgetting :: The Dog's Blog
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Messages In This Thread
Her eyes, Tell lies. - by The-Dark-Seeker - 07-19-2013, 11:36 AM
RE: Her eyes, Tell lies. - by cidermaid - 07-19-2013, 09:20 PM
RE: Her eyes, Tell lies. - by Snags - 07-20-2013, 07:12 PM



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