the dark ocean that is my mind

[minear]

Mind you I have Never written a poem, but I am good with words and am very creative. this is only about half finished but I was looking for some critique. I love hip hop (not busted rap but the art of hip hop).
I have found they roll off my mind very easily, so I wrote one down in about 10 minutes but it comes from me. be gentle here goes...


the dark ocean that is my mind


Every night I lay alone with this darkness that is my mind
I fight and i struggle with this ocean and its tides
No matter How I swim I always seem to sink
to the bottom of this ocean where I cant even think
Its so dark down here and so heavy on my chest
I am always shedding tears even though I give my best

Inside this darkness is my mind, its that spot I disapear and hide
from this world from this life from myself and this discord
You cant escape from this black, it fucks you up wrecks your mind
it smacks your life off track and puts a halt to your grind

you will lose your breath under the pressure of the black
its slows your flow it speeds your death there is no coming back
exchange these thoughts with myself and put my life on a shelf
I get so sad sometimes all days identical, this life sometimes is just so radical