07-19-2013, 09:20 PM
Welcome to the site.
Don't forget to leave feedback for others.
I really struggled to make much sense of this. I need some puctuation to show me where one thought line stops and starts.
I've done some lines breaks to indicate how i read and interpreted this but really it was just a guess.
The title is a good draw and i think you need to add some line breaks and puctuation and also check for basic errors such as the extra it in the second line.
Keep writing. AJ
Don't forget to leave feedback for others.
I really struggled to make much sense of this. I need some puctuation to show me where one thought line stops and starts.
I've done some lines breaks to indicate how i read and interpreted this but really it was just a guess.
The title is a good draw and i think you need to add some line breaks and puctuation and also check for basic errors such as the extra it in the second line.
Keep writing. AJ
(07-19-2013, 11:36 AM)The-Dark-Seeker Wrote: I thought it was love
it when push came to shove
you threw me away I'm not gonna play around
I thought it was good what we found
it was profound.
these feelings came back to my mind
it was whack
I never thought I'd have this feeling again
and then boom you set off in my heart like a bomb
people tell me stay calm
she loves you she won't cheat
but still
that though wont skip the beat.
hurt so much
it's a rush to just jump into this love
like a beautiful all white dove soring through the air
it ain't fair that I should hurt you
but it hurts me to believe
I can't achieve true happiness without you by my side
it's like sitting on a long car ride
deep inside I confide
tell my self she won't burn me
she can't turn me
but she does.