07-17-2013, 01:54 AM
Hi,
sorry but I really struggled to find anything in this to give me some reader pleasure or images I could get hold of and think about.
It was not that the subject was lacking as such, but this just felt like a stream of rambling thoughts rather than a concious effort to offer something of interest put together with poetic art. The arch angel idea had my attention but then failed to deliver. It reads like multiple entries in a personal diary.
I think you could do an edit on this and it could be much improved by going back through this and reorganising the things you present into blocks of thought. Break it down into stanzas rather than one big block of text. Try to make each stanza present a picture or an idea that then makes a story or a picture overall.
I appoligise for being so blunt and as such these comments are JMHO someone else might have a different view altogether.
All the best AJ.
sorry but I really struggled to find anything in this to give me some reader pleasure or images I could get hold of and think about.
It was not that the subject was lacking as such, but this just felt like a stream of rambling thoughts rather than a concious effort to offer something of interest put together with poetic art. The arch angel idea had my attention but then failed to deliver. It reads like multiple entries in a personal diary.
I think you could do an edit on this and it could be much improved by going back through this and reorganising the things you present into blocks of thought. Break it down into stanzas rather than one big block of text. Try to make each stanza present a picture or an idea that then makes a story or a picture overall.
I appoligise for being so blunt and as such these comments are JMHO someone else might have a different view altogether.
All the best AJ.