October(Warning deviations from form are many)

[Brownlie]

Leaves are falling
Fading into shades of many hues and drying out-
The boys all drink in October

Good, but needs a change or two. If I may:

leaves
falling into pools of puke
the boys all drink in october

I feel my version is more ambiguous which means that it could mean everything. Yours is funnier and it provides a more vivid scene.