Lessoning Trust

[Brownlie]

Been meaning to get to your poem for awhile now I am finally getting around to it.

Lessoning Trust

Drops of rain then the splash of you
enters my mind like a loaded fist,
where alone is a feeling I can't undo,
floating free in a mountain of mist.

Enchantment fed me sweets of deceit
in a bed of sheets covered with snow,
crying out in whispers, "don't retreat",
stealing arrows from Cupid's bow. -- Cupid arrow is a cliché don't know if you had that in mind when you wrote the piece.

The good ones play quiet and flaunt with care;
such orchids are shy in their bloom.
Others are spiders with webs that snare,
holding court in corners of rooms. --I like the sentiment but the being caught in a web of deceit is also a bit clichéd.

Wisdom is pain that pierces a hole -I believe this thought could be written better with more vivid imagery, I believe there is something there.
in a heart when it ventures to dare.
In her bed on a pillow my head lays low,
where my dreams tell my soul to beware. -- Serious poetry is usually more effective if it is done with more subtlety.

I like the idea of deceptive courting because some people use other people and hurt them, but I would guide the reader to that conclusion without them being aware that they were being shown that idea. I think if you get really serious about writing there is a good chance it will turn out to be good.