07-14-2013, 06:56 AM
I love the imagery and the content, and the repetition of opening lines. I think that I understand the message (although I'm new to critiquing) but maybe you could explain why a little.
Some of your rhymes are really creative, but I think the rhyme scheme makes the structure seem a little forced at times, especially at 'Your presence does elate' and 'The peace within me that you set.'
Perhaps you could make the rhyme scheme a little irregular, or use more commas and full stops to show how the poem flows.
Some of your rhymes are really creative, but I think the rhyme scheme makes the structure seem a little forced at times, especially at 'Your presence does elate' and 'The peace within me that you set.'
Perhaps you could make the rhyme scheme a little irregular, or use more commas and full stops to show how the poem flows.