07-14-2013, 05:49 AM
Hi allykat,
I had a further read through. After your notes i can see your thread of thoughts running through and actually one thing I had missed / blipped over in my first assesment is this line the burning of paper to ashes--enough, Also this: A hundred, two hundred, a thousand--disgust is I'm now thinking a referance to the pack sizes you buy.
All of which now seems perfectly clear, but i suppose i was so convinced in the begining it was describing the horrors of cancer sickness (and also as a non smoker) i failed to see the referance at the end.
So perhaps this could be worked in sooner in the read or some other equally obvious smoking referance (like an image for the stained fingers or the need to have something in your hands when out socially...the much reported weight gain from this problem).
Although perhaps my take on your poem is a mistaken read from your point of view, i should not be too upset about this. You will find that the issue of reader interpretation is a common disscussion point on the forum. I took meaning and found interest and in this enjoyment in your poem from my read and as such this gives it value and significance. It might be the case that many different reads will offer as many different slants on the meaning, but this is not nessasarily a negative. Write the poem you want to write. You control the poem untill you release it to the reader and then the reader will take what they will read from it and place thier interpretation on it.
We are fortunate on the site to have so many poets of different levels and outlooks on life and this makes for comprehensive range of views. However remember the crits offered are always just impressions and opinions, for you to consider to use to edit and improve your poem.
Hope this is of some encouragment and help AJ.
I had a further read through. After your notes i can see your thread of thoughts running through and actually one thing I had missed / blipped over in my first assesment is this line the burning of paper to ashes--enough, Also this: A hundred, two hundred, a thousand--disgust is I'm now thinking a referance to the pack sizes you buy.
All of which now seems perfectly clear, but i suppose i was so convinced in the begining it was describing the horrors of cancer sickness (and also as a non smoker) i failed to see the referance at the end.
So perhaps this could be worked in sooner in the read or some other equally obvious smoking referance (like an image for the stained fingers or the need to have something in your hands when out socially...the much reported weight gain from this problem).
Although perhaps my take on your poem is a mistaken read from your point of view, i should not be too upset about this. You will find that the issue of reader interpretation is a common disscussion point on the forum. I took meaning and found interest and in this enjoyment in your poem from my read and as such this gives it value and significance. It might be the case that many different reads will offer as many different slants on the meaning, but this is not nessasarily a negative. Write the poem you want to write. You control the poem untill you release it to the reader and then the reader will take what they will read from it and place thier interpretation on it.
We are fortunate on the site to have so many poets of different levels and outlooks on life and this makes for comprehensive range of views. However remember the crits offered are always just impressions and opinions, for you to consider to use to edit and improve your poem.
Hope this is of some encouragment and help AJ.